Beer bad Spike good!
by NightLady FF
Summary: What would have happened if Cave Buffy met Spike in episode 4x5, Beer Bad? Just to have a laugh :)


**A/N:** dialogues in the first part, with Xander and Giles, are from the original script. All the rest is mine.

Big thanks to All4Spike for her help with the translation and her suggestions.

**Disclaimer:** **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Buffy sat head down on the office chair, making it spin around and around under the astonished glares of both Giles and Xander. Her arms dangled loosely, and her long tousled hair nearly touched her dorm room floor. Weird sounds came from her mouth.

The two men tilted their heads to follow her movements.

"Fascinating, really," Giles said, looking like a scientist dealing with a very unusual case.

Xander gave no answer, still watching his friend with wide eyes. They went wider when she rolled on the floor and, angered, violently pushed the chair against the wall.

Pouting, Buffy looked around for a moment then her gaze fell on the small television on the desk. With a simian jump, she got to the object and kneeled to touch the black screen.

"Want people. Where people go?"

The Watcher approached her, bending to get nearer. "The TV is off." He talked slowly as if speaking to a retarded child.

"Want! Want people," she said, striking the screen with the palm of her hand to mark her words. She eyed him stubbornly.

Giles straightened and turned toward the young man to say self-consciously. "She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her."

While he was talking, Buffy stalked Xander. She sniffed him.

"Boy. Smells nice," she stated, as she gazed at him with a blatant light in her eyes.

Alarmed by the new twist of events, Giles quickly amended: "Or perhaps she should be left alone!"

Buffy took no notice of his words as she fisted Xander's shirt to pull him to her. She grabbed his retreating form, gluing her mouth to his neck.

"Yeah," he yelled to the watcher. "I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto! Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off-"

The girl suddenly stopped her greedy sucking on his skin and let him go. "Beer? Buffy want beer."

Giles promptly cut in, rising an admonishing finger. "You can't have beer."

Buffy turned to face him, slowly, freezing him with an evil glare. "Want. Beer." The menace in her voice made him all the more tense.

Sensing the danger, Xander tried to warn him. "Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy," he said, with his lips stretched.

She gave a shout, faking a blow. "Buffy strong."

The Watcher gulped. "Yes, Buffy strong." He nodded repeatedly, with a strained smile.

"Buffy get beer."

Thinking it would be safer to indulge her, he approached the girl in a soothing manner. "Buffy get-"

The girl didn't gave him the time to finish the sentence. She hit him in the stomach, hurling him across the room, pushed Xander away and ran out.

Buffy wandered in the night. Every now and then she stopped, crouching on the ground, and sniffed.

"Beer," she growled.

She had this single thought as her mind was emptier than Sunnydale's streets. She was guided only by her primal instinct and it brought her to the place that most felt familiar: the graveyard. She approached it cautiously, her senses on the alert, trying to catch all the sounds and smells of the place.

A noise made her twirl around. She crouched slightly, taking up a defensive position, and probed the darkness through the locks that fell over her face.

"You looking for me, luv?" A slurred voice said.

Spike staggered around the tree that hid him and came out into the open. He leaned lazily against the trunk, a bottle in his hand.

Buffy's gaze fixed on the familiar object. "Beer."

"Nope. Not beer. 'S scotch. Wanna take a sip?" He tilted his head, watching her closely. Even drunk, he didn't miss that something was off with her that night: she looked wild and primal.

The slayer wasn't interested in his offer. Her attention focused once more on him and the way she was staring at him put him on the alert.

He fidgeted on his feet, remembering their latest confrontation: she had won, in spite of the gem of Amara, and now he felt low, morally and physically. What were his chances to defeat her? His self-preservation instinct was screaming to hook it fast but then he had his Big Bad pride. He settled for a compromise.

"Oi, Slayer! I'm not in the mood, tonight, okay? Let's say we never met and go our own ways!"

She took a step toward him and he could clearly see her nostrils twitch as she... sniffed the air? Her hungry gaze froze him on the spot. What the fuck was her problem? It seemed she wanted to eat him! Her next words confirmed his suspicion.

"Smell good. Like."

"Huh?"

_Okay. Bugger the pride!_ The vampire thought as he sprang into a wild run. Behind him, the slayer made a sound that was very like a roar and Spike gathered speed. He darted through the tombstones, climbing and rounding all the obstacles he met, never once looking back, to save time. As he ran, he searched for a hiding-place and finally, he saw a crypt. It was partially hidden behind a statue and he rushed inside, believing he had lost her. He closed the door and bent, hands on his knees, his breathing ragged.

Shit, he thought, a cannibal slayer was a first! He jumped as the door opened with a crash. _Fuck!_ It wasn't fair! Why couldn't vampires have a fucking barrier against fucking humans? She moved like a predator, fast and silent, and threw herself at him, clawing at his chest.

Spike's jaw dropped as the quiet of the night was filled by the sound of ripped cloth. The slayer threw the rag away, her heavy gaze fixed on the vampire's naked pecs.

"Shit! You dirty bitch! Was my favourite shirt! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Spike was so furious he forgot to be afraid, and missed her intentions. Until he felt her warm tongue on his chest.

"Uh!...F-fuck...?"

The physical reaction was instantaneous. The mental one came some time later. He pulled himself together after several seconds.

_Bloody hell! What the fuck?_ She was the bloody slayer, not so long ago they were trying to kill each other... and now she was licking his chest?!

"Aaaaah!" Spike couldn't hold in a moan.

Buffy pushed him against the nearest wall and clung to him, never stopping her ministrations to his cool skin.

"Mmmm! Good. Spike good. Like. Want." She grunted, flattening her tongue on his pecs to lap at him thoroughly.

Astonished, Spike shook his head repeatedly. The slayer wanted him? But in what sense? He watched her, doubtfully. That's it... if she _was_ the slayer. She really was acting weird. But the smell was hers, the vampire was sure of that. He would recognize her scent anywhere. _Stench, not scent!_ He corrected himself, outraged. _Fuck!_ He was disgusted by his own reaction and the thoughts he was having about her. She was his worst enemy and he wanted nothing more than to wipe her off the world, suck her dry, break her neck and...

His eyes rolled back in his head as her warm mouth closed on his nipple and started sucking it greedily.

His cock twitched in his trousers, screaming for attention. And it got it. Buffy's hands went to his belt and quickly unfastened the metal buckle.

"Whoa! Whoa! Wait! Wait a moment, slayer!" He shouted, alarmed.

_Shit!_ He couldn't allow this thing to happen. He was no common vampire... he was Spike, the Big Bad, slayer of slayers! He killed them, surely he didn't shag them. At the most, if he had to mingle with them sexually, it would be to... to rape them, that's it! But now the situation was reversed. She was on him, voracious, and didn't look like she would take a no from him. But he couldn't let her have her way with him, could he? It would be disgusting. _Wrong_. And he would make a fool of himself, should the other vampires find out that- No. He had to kill her and stop that _monstrosity_. Furthermore, he wasn't sure about her purpose. She could be cheating, trying to fool him, or, maybe, she had somehow become a true 'vampire-eater'!

He grabbed her by the shoulders, to push her away and start a fight but the sound of his zipper going down froze him. Then a small, strong hand grasped his hard cock, releasing it from the confinement of the fabric.

"What...?"

The slayer was lustfully licking her lips, as she looked at the prey between her fingers.

"Good. Big. Want," she said, and kneeled at his feet. He could do nothing more than stare at her open-mouthed. Did he hear right? She wanted his cock? Uhm... as in: putting it in her mouth, sucking it, blow him... and hopefully swallow as well? Answering his silent questions, she licked the tip.

_Oh... _

_Ooookay!_ Maybe he could wait a little bit... only to see how things went, that's it. All in all, one has to have some trust in this world, right?

Grasping her tousled mass of hair, Spike slouched against the wall and surrendered with a moan. In the meanwhile, Buffy was busy salivating on his cock, lapping at it, from base to head, as though it was a luscious ice-cream. She carried on for several minutes, biting and licking, while making low throaty sounds that were blowing his mind.

Unable to resist any longer, the vampire was on the point of forcing his way into her mouth when, as if sensing his intentions, Buffy engulfed him all the way. Her nose touched the cool and hairless skin of his groin as the tip of his cock hit the back of her throat. The pleasure was so sharp and strong, it made him bang his head on the bricks of the wall. He groaned but soon forgot his pain as the slayer, crouched at his feet, hungrily sucked him.

"Oh, fucking shit!" He shouted, shamefully losing control.

Greedily, Buffy swallowed all he had to give. And it was quite a lot.

Some time later, when stars stopped dancing behind his closed lids, Spike slowly opened his eyes. He could still feel her warm tongue working on him.

"Whoa," he spluttered, dazed. He shook his head to clear it. "Holy shit, Slayer," he gulped. "Who would have thought... Hey... Slayer? Uhm... come on. Enough now, okay?"

But it seemed that Buffy had no intention of stopping and, once more alarmed, Spike grabbed her shoulders and pulled to take her eager mouth away from his crotch.

She raised her head. "More," she said.

Her voice and her eyes were menacing and her fingers tightened dangerously on his softening cock.

For the first time in his existence as a vampire, Spike felt a cold shiver run down his back.

"Okay!" He gave a high-pitched shriek as he raised his hands in surrender.

When Spike woke, several hours later, the first question that came to his mind was: _What the fuck knocked me down?_

He was shattered, smashed. To the point that he couldn't feel his bones anymore. He didn't move from the floor of the crypt, where he was lying, as memory of what happened during the night flooded slowly back.

He and the slayer! He and the fucking slayer. He... and _Buffy_.

With eyes open wide, he remembered their wild passion as they fucked. All night long. Everywhere, in every possible position, without a break. Until they both collapsed with exhaustion.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit," he whispered, in awe. Then he shook his head.

Naaah. Impossibile. Fucking impossible. It had to be a dream... no! A nightmare! Must have been all the alcohol he had the night before. Never again, he promised. Starting from now, he would never drink anything but blood!

A movement somewhere behind him distracted him. He rose on his elbow to search for the source of the sound. And he saw her: she was naked, lying near the wall - the same one, he remembered where they had last shagged - and she was struggling to shake off the last shreds of sleep. It hadn't been a dream after all...

In spite of his weariness, Spike felt his body awakening at that sight. She was so fucking beautiful.

Some minutes later, she sat up with a groan. He smirked. Clearly, he was not the only one to feel the effects of their sexual exploits. He saw her, shaking her head and looking around, her face confused. Then their glances met and he could see the comprehension growing in her eyes.

"OH MY GOD!" Buffy screamed, springing up quickly. He didn't move and kept watching her, curious. Obviously, whatever made her act like she had the night before, had worn off and the slayer was herself once again.

What was going to happen, now? He couldn't deny that he no longer wished to kill her. But what about her? How would she take the change in their relationship?

He was soon going to find out.

"OMYGOD! OMYGOD!" She went on and on, clearly hysterical, as she grabbed her clothes from the floor and put them on jerkily.

Spike rose with a groan and approached her carefully. "Uh... Buffy, listen..."

The girl put a hand over her eyes." OMYGOD! YOU'RE NAKED! COVER YOURSELF!"

_Shit, that's enough!_ He pouted, annoyed. Now, she was really going too far.

"Oi! Seems to me 'is too late to make all this fuss! Come on, pet." He saw her peering through her fingers and grinned, tongue curling naughtily against his teeth. "Come on and let's talk..."

"You're crazy! And what the hell could we talk about?" Finally, Buffy uncovered her eyes but she kept her gaze stubbornly high, as she blushed fiercely.

"Mmm... about what happened tonight? Or the way I made you scream? Or maybe, about the fact that you've never had it so good as with me? "

She gasped a few times before she could speak again, and when she did her voice was choked. "What happened... It never happened! Do you understand? You will never say a word about this. With no one! You won't ever even think of this night, do you get it? Forget it! It. Never. Happened! NEVER!"

And then she ran out.

Standing still and naked in the middle of his crypt, he watched her go, a resolute light in his eyes. He hadn't missed the fact that she never denied his statement.

"You are wrong, Slayer," he mumbled to himself. "It did happen. And I have a feeling that you will soon come back for an encore."

He heard the sound of fast steps.

_Uh! Wasn't hoping so soon!_

Puffing out his chest, Spike smiled smugly at the girl as she quickly approached him. "Forgot something, luv?"

"Yes! _This_!" She said and punched him on the nose.

"Ouch!"

Spike's head bounced abruptly on his neck, taking up the blow. When it came back into position, Buffy was gone.

Spike stared into space, astonished. She punched him! The bitch fucking punched him! He was starting to get really angry but then he had a sudden thought: the slayer could have killed him! But she didn't. She didn't even try... she only punched him!

Fuck, that was indeed a bloody revelation!

Spike casually licked the blood running from his nose as a sly grin slowly crept across his face.

The End


End file.
